JANUARY BLUES

Ashby, eloise and eulalah - two 4s and a 5 making funny faces - thinking of this when feeling blue

I’ve talked to y’all about this before. The January Flats is what Jay and I coined it when we lived in Atlanta. It seemed to be gray and drizzly every day of that month in my hometown. Well, it doesn’t seem to matter where I am in the world, I feel gray and drizzly every January.

From Thanksgiving to Christmas this past year, my every minute was spoken for. And many of those minutes, I was doing two (or more?!) things at once. I might be watching The Crown while I was doing my Christmas cards, AND answering emails AND texts AND maybe ordering yet another something from Amazon, AND adding something important to my to-do list – like GO TO THE GROCERY STORE – at the same time. My important work, bookkeeping for babas, which stays at the top of the list, was squeezed in there as well. Usually, I would have to change the channel because I was missing juicy bits on The Crown, to the News (depressing) or a Hallmark movie (sappy).

These are all things I really like doing so I wasn’t about to give anything up.  My friend, Anne, has a motto:  “Why do when you can overdo.” Haha… I think that is ME. Ugh. Although I find that a cute and funny saying, this 69-year-old body is having a hard time keeping up the pace.

I’ve thought a lot about this and figured out something pretty simple. When things are busy, fun and sometimes a bit frantic, I throw caution to the wind. It is my grand excuse to go another week or weeks without doing the every day things that keep Jay and me going and living a healthy and well organized lifestyle. I give myself permission to eat anything I want and allow myself to be overserved (isn’t it SO fun to drink and make merry with grown up children?!), throw dirty clothes in a full laundry basket, go out for lunch and dinner rather than fill the fridge, etc., etc, etc. You get the picture. I go wild. Then comes January.

Going back to the normal, humdrum, every-day life and picking up the pieces of the six weeks of letting everything slide is just not fun. The clutter and stacks of stuff is everywhere I look. I won’t burden you with the state of my car!

During a really fun event at church in December, we had a holiday panel with wine and charcuterie plate, I came away with an idea. I would do something I wish I had done with our kids. I would get each of our 7 grandchildren 4 gifts –

Something they WANT

Something they NEED

Something to WEAR

Something to READ

So cool, right? I even mentioned it to my older grandkids and they were excited too.  One suggested a signed Marvin Harrison, Jr. jersey for something he would like to “wear!” 😊 Rather than random toys, I got to look for cute matching dresses for the girls and fun personalized books for the babies. But…7 x 4 = 28 presents to think of, buy/order, receive, mark down and WRAP! Hmmm…I’ll be re-thinking that next year for sure. And yes, when they opened the black sweatpants their mom said they needed, they threw them over their shoulder and eagerly looked for something more fun to unwrap. Haha.

Christmas was not a big deal at my house growing up. The most excitement I had was sneaking into the living room and stealthily unwrapping a gift (clothes, again) and wrapping it back up and placing it under the tree without getting caught. Jay’s family was the complete opposite with gifts that were yet to be unwrapped and still under the tree at dinnertime!  A happy medium was what I wanted but that seems to be a work in progress. As I’m sure many of you have said in the last week, “Next year will be different.”

Back to the blues. It’s no wonder that with every minute packed with something fun for six weeks straight, the abrupt halt, come January 2nd, makes me feel a bit discombobulated. I’ve sworn to myself it is time to sloooooow down. I can’t tell Jay or he will remind me every time I get going too fast. But slowing down can’t mean that I become a couch potato finally catching up on shows. That sounds depressing too. I’ve only really come up with one idea:

Read more in ’24.

I already read a lot – usually just before bed - but I can certainly read more. Sadly, I’m a slow reader. I like to read every word and hate to scan. I found an old report card from Kindergarten. My teacher commented on my slow reading! She was sure I would catch up – but…I didn’t – haha. The app Good Reads has a place where you can give yourself a Reading Challenge. Last year, I started small. I challenged myself to read 20 books in 2023. I actually read 23 – yay me! But that doesn’t sound like very many. My friend  Meredith read 117! The idea is that once you finish a book, you put it down on your list and the app keeps track for you. It’s fun to look back at what you read. At the end of the year, it tells you the shortest book you read, The Importance of Being Earnest, a British farce, 120 pages and the longest book, A Fierce Radiance, 530 pages. My average rating for the books I read was 3.4 stars. It even said this at the end: “115%, Congratulations! You’re really good at reading, and probably a lot of other things, too!” Thanks for the pep talk, Good Reads.  

Sp please offer your tips for beating the blues this time of year and suggest titles for us to add to our Read More in ‘24 lists. Hang in there, friends. The sun will come out tomorrow. Hopefully. xoxo

quite the comprehensive report for a 5-year-old! At least i am a good speller.

A WING AND A PRAYER

Hello friends, Life gets in the way of writing but I’m going to really try to get back to it. Thanks for being here and being so loyal.

I always feel like September is really the beginning of the year rather than January. Getting school supplies, seeing Halloween decor in stores, college football on Saturdays, a hint of Fall in the air - well, not that last one yet, not in Charleston anyway - all can be seen as a fresh beginning.

Typically, this is the season, I end up saying YES to too many requests! My niece, Megan, has had an amazing ministry for 10 years called the Cole Collection. She invites vendors to a yearly event of selling their wares to women who buy tickets, to wander through and shop, while having taste treats. The money goes to buying gifts (which she has purchased and wrapped!) for the foster children in her town. Their motto is “Find a Need and Fill It” - seems simple enough.

I was feeling the need to fill a big gap at our church - Women’s Ministry! There is something so amazing about women helping women. I began to mull over the idea of getting something going (which I honestly do every year and then get too busy). I was not sure this was the right time either. A few days later, I was having lunch with my friend, Rachel. She has three boys (just one more to be like me!), the oldest starting kindergarten, the youngest not yet one. She has chosen something very unusual this day and age. She’s a stay-at-home Mom! Which is not easy as most of us know. I was getting ready to ask her to be my partner to lead a much-needed women’s ministry at our church when she said this: “I’ve decided on making three things my priority this year. If I’m asked to do something that doesn’t relate to one of those, I’m going to say ‘no'.” Hmmm…. Women’s Ministry did not fit in for her. What a great idea. Three priorities - let me think. I think I’ll give up on the women’s ministry idea. Yet… as soon as I got home, I received a text invite for coffee from another friend, Anne. She goes to my church too. Over coffee, she said, “We have GOT to get women’s ministry going.” Apparently, I can’t hide. God is calling me! I’ll let you know what happens.

Lastly, I’m finding this a good time to go room to room and collect anything I can find to throw or give away. My place is TOO small for all this STUFF! I’m so sick of stuff.

In my cleaning out, I came across the prayer you see below. It is on a yellowed, dog-eared, scribbled on piece of paper. I’ve had it for a million years and have no idea who gave it to me. But I love it. I should memorize it and say it every day for the rest of my life.

According to Wikipedia, Thomas Merton was “…an American Trappist monk, writer, theologian, mystic, poet, social activist and scholar of comparative literature.” That’s pretty impressive. This prayer is included in a book he wrote in 1954, the year I was born. But it is totally relevant today. Hope you like it too.

MY LORD GOD,

I have no idea where I am going. I do not see the road ahead of me.  I cannot know for certain where it will end.  Nor do I really know myself, and the fact that I think that I am following your will does not mean that I am actually doing so.  But I believe that the desire to please you does in fact please you.  And I hope I have that desire in all that I am doing.  I hope that I will never do anything apart from that desire.  And I know that if I do this you will lead me by the right road though I may know nothing about it.  Therefore I will trust you always though I may seem to be lost and in the shadow of death, I will not fear, for you are ever with me and you will never leave me to face my perils alone.

                                                                                       THOMAS MERTON

                                                                                                -Thoughts in Solitude †††

©Abbey of Gethsemane, Trappist, KY

More coming soon, friends. Enjoy your September and great beginnings! XOXO

50th REUNION?? HOW CAN THAT BE POSSIBLE?1

I just wrote an entire blog post and lost it! I’m thinking OH SH**!  It has to be here somewhere.  If it is I cannot find it.  Please tell me this has happened to you.  I remember when computers were new (I must be really old) and I lost things all the time!  Then I discovered “ctrl Z” – it changed my life.  OK, starting again.

We were the Westminster Wildcats. I was a wildcat from 1960 to 1973 with a brief stint at boarding school where I cried myself to sleep from homesickness.  At Christmas, my brother told my parents they were heartless if they made me go back – bless him. So back to Westminster I went even though it was not the right school for me in general. It was the 1960’s and racial tension was high in Atlanta, so I guess my parents thought the price tag was worth it. I think it was a hardship to pay those two tuitions and I appreciate them making it happen.

Lower school (aka elementary) was great.  I loved my friends, my teachers and was thankful to be in the “middle’ class, not the dumb class or the smart class. Tracking is dreadful – I doubt they do that anymore. But more on all this below.  The alumni office does something cool for 50th reunions.  They make a book with a submission from each class member, with pictures. I picked up the papers from the bottom of a stack this morning and saw that the deadline is TODAY!  So I got to writing, which you will find below.  It’s not the most cohesive of writing because I was answering a few of the 17 questions posed on the questionnaire.

One of the questions is:

What is a message that sums up your life?

Are you kidding? I skipped that one.  But how about you?  Maybe something comes immediately to mind – if so please share in the comment section below.  I would love to see that. One of the examples said, “Live to hunt and hunt to live.”  Uhh…no.

Remembering lower, middle and high school, brings a flood of emotions as I’m sure it does for you.  Some good, some absolutely awful.  Middle and high school is where the academics took a giant step up and I was not prepared for that.  My social life was way more interesting and fun. I was also pretty convinced I didn’t measure up.  It took me years to realize that not studying and failing was a lot more palatable than studying hard and still failing. I had such a fear of that that I just didn’t try at all. I still have nightmares of taking tests on books that I hadn’t read!

I think I needed a more creative approach but that wasn’t really an option so I struggled through.  It wasn’t until college that I realized I was actually pretty smart. I just needed to learn how to study. Flashcards became my best friend. I’ve been a lifelong learner ever since. Hopefully your school memories are weighted to the happy side.

So, what you will find below is what I sent in for the book, along with some of the pics I sent.

MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL OF YOU!!  May this holiday season and 2023 bring you peace, fun and family.

WESTMINSTER REUNION

I took a circuitous route after high school to UGA and Georgia State.  I took time off whenever an opportunity arose.  I took a semester to campaign for Jimmy Carter in Ohio (an important state he took!). In fact, it was an election party where I met my husband.  He was the only one in the Republican room. And…he’s from Ohio.  Another semester off was spent on the beach of Siesta Key with Laura Heery, while she went to New College.  I got married the semester before I graduated.

Jay and I have had the adventure of 43 years together.  Four sons in 6 years kept us busy and entertained! We just had our sixth grandchild last week, William Weston Crouse (another baby is due in April). Our sons are all married to amazing women and are spread out from LA to Detroit to Asheville to Charleston. There are too many pets to mention!

Jay and I were married in Atlanta and lived there for 6 years, then made the move to Sarasota, Florida.  The boys loved growing up at the beach and enjoyed wearing shorts year round. After 32 years there, and one hurricane too many, we moved to Charleston, SC where one of our sons lives. Jay does ministry work for the Anglican Diocese of SC. He has a passion for getting men back to church and he leads men on a pilgrimage to Israel every fall.  He’s been 12 times!  I’ve been twice and will return on a couples trip next spring.  Walking the ground that Jesus walked has been a highlight of my life.

Although I got to enjoy the luxury of being a stay-at-home Mom, I stayed busy with fundraisers, school activities, and having fun with friends, like the book club that I’ve been in for 35 years. When the boys were starting the college search, I was trained and practiced as an educational consultant, helping families navigate the college process. After we sent our youngest off to college, we got the unexpected gift to have our 14-year-old niece come live with us, due to a hardship in her family.  She stayed with us through high school and now loves being a graphic designer in NYC. During that time, I realized a lifelong dream of becoming a nurse.  I got my RN shortly before turning 60!  Definitely the hardest thing I’ve ever done but fascinating. I’ve enjoyed volunteering in clinics and going on medical mission trips.  I don’t seem to have much time for hobbies but I would say any type of needlework (needlepoint, quilting, knitting) and I write a blog (not nearly often enough) – inthegreen.co.

What I love most about this stage of life is the variety.  Having all the kids and grandkids in one place is wild, chaotic and an absolute blast.  We have lots of similar-aged cousins who find playing with each other glorious. But having a quiet night at home with my husband, watching a Christmas movie is a welcome respite. Our son, Edward, has two restaurants in Charleston* for which I am the bookkeeper and that has been an interesting new passion for me.  Ask me about Quickbooks!

My proudest accomplishment is also my biggest blessing, and that is how our four sons are as adults.  They are so different, yet so interesting and each making a positive difference in the world. Their wives are doing the same.  All great parents too. Plus they love getting together. I couldn’t ask for anything more.

Westminster was quite a challenge for me academically.  It took getting to college for me to realize I was smart 😊 But I have lifelong friends who I text/Zoom/vacation with on a regular basis. Elizabeth Appleby, Margaret Howell, Fay Howell, Laura Heery, Luck Gambrell, Eloise Black, Louise Wilcox and Hariett Ellis are my BFFs.

Mrs. Dean will remain my favorite teacher!  Her kind and gentle way was unwavering.  And I think she liked me too – haha. I got to have her for my 5th grade homeroom teacher and then again for English in 9th grade.  I also had great respect for Mrs. Thurmond who taught biology. She was the first to make learning interesting for me.  She was also really “hard.”  She expected a lot of us and it encouraged me to rise to the challenge.

It took me a while but I have come to appreciate the education I got at Westminster.  We were fortunate enough to give our sons private school educations all the way though college and I think it has given them the confidence and security to reach for their dreams and attain them.

*Come visit in Charleston:                                                                                               

babas on cannon                                                                                                       

babas on meeting

 Babasoncannon.com

Fay in the stripes - friends since kindergarten and Laura since fifth grade

TOO LITTLE, TOO LATE?

These are stressful days, as we see and hear eye witness accounts of atrocities on the other side of the world. Those poor people - how devastating to watch your world crumble before you. Could there be a war on American soil??  I’ve always felt safe in our amazing and awesome country, at least personally. I hate watching the news but feel I must. It’s hard to see people in such dire circumstances in real time, and know there is very little I can do about it.  Not buying vodka doesn’t really cut it but I guess if a small thing is done by many, it could have a tiny impact. How about we don’t import any more vodka (or oil!) from Russia? But then, there are the Russian people to worry about as well.  We can’t blame every Russian for a tyrannical leader, can we?

Edward read me an article that said “there has never been a time such as this.” My first reaction was, “Oh yes, there has.” World War II, for example.  But this article was referring to Google maps giving real time information about Russian convoys in Ukraine and specifying what streets they were on and how many there were.* That is a shocking new addition to warfare.  Or how about Zelenskyy using social media to speak to his people? Sounds like it has been very effective.

“For such a time as this” was certainly familiar to me but I couldn’t put my finger on where it was from. In trying to find the article for you, I googled “for such a time as this” and maybe I shouldn’t have been surprised but I was. Up popped a page full of links to scripture. It actually comes from my favorite book of the Bible, Esther.  Esther reads like a novel, all about the empowerment of women – or one woman, in this case, Esther. There’s tons of intrigue and cliff hanging moments of life or death situations.  Kind of a Batman-style of wondering how this could possibly turn out OK.

Mordecai says these words to Esther, who became Queen after starting as one of the King’s concubines.  Oh, and by the way, Esther happens to be Jewish, which she has successfully kept secret from the King.

“For if you remain silent at this time, relief and deliverance for the Jews will arise from another place, but you and your father’s family will perish. And who knows but that you have come to your royal position for such a time as this?”

— Esther 4:14

Another translation uses this wording: “Perhaps you were born for Such a Time as This.”  Of course, this begs the question of what each of us was born for, in the big picture. Love and relationship are two things that pop into my mind. God wants us believers to spread the good news that He is ready and waiting to love you. We are supposed to be examples of that, so much so that people will want to “have” what we have – to have the joy and peace that only God can give. That can be a tall order.  Sometimes, I don’t even want what I have! I feel sad or lonely or joyless. But God is patient. He is always there when we circle back.

As helpless as we feel when considering the horrific situation in Ukraine, we can certainly be praying for them. In the movie, “Don’t Look Up,” which got an Oscar nomination for best picture, something interesting happens two minutes before the end of the movie. The comet (which is supposed to represent climate change) is hurtling toward earth, and nothing and no one can stop it. The main characters have found their way back to family and are sitting at the dinner table getting ready to have a meal. The house begins to shake and doom is moments away. And what do they do? Pray. Most of those present don’t know how to pray but one person, a 20-something skater boy, volunteers by saying, “I got this,” and holding out his hands to make a circle around the table. In this liberal, Hollywood, treatise on how climate change is being ignored, this character so beautifully puts it like this:

“Dearest Father and Almighty Creator, We ask for Your grace tonight despite our pride,  your forgiveness, despite our doubt. Most of All Lord, we ask for Your love, to soothe us through these dark times and may we face whatever is to come, in Your divine will, with courage and open hearts of acceptance. Amen”

Isn’t that a perfect prayer?! Yet still, my first reaction was: too little, too late.  But then I remembered the awesome and mighty power of God. Prayer is not a small thing that “won’t make a difference.” God could totally protect us from climate change, war or anything else but we have to start by asking and believing.                                                                                                                

*see nytimes.com, Maps: Tracking the Russian Invasion of Ukraine 

WHAT I DREAD….but end up LOVING

Photo 50820592 © Cherezoff | Dreamstime.com

I don’t know if you do this but I write things in my head, sometimes for months, before putting pen to paper.  I like to think that ideas are percolating in there just like a comforting coffee pot on a cozy morning, while in my robe and bunny slippers. Or maybe I’m waiting for God to tell me what to say or do.

Last year was soooo long, wasn’t it?  Covid, hanging over our heads, put a weight on everyone, when we were simply sick of it.

But it’s a new day and time where maybe, just maybe, we can start to breathe again.  Sadly, I don’t think “getting back to normal” is a thing anymore.  I think there is no “normal” to speak of.  In many ways, I think that is a good thing. It was like the game, fruit basket turnover, where everyone runs around in circles and then tries to grab a chair before being the last one, without a place to sit. (“Have you Ever” seems to be the modern version.) Three of our four children made big moves to new places last year. All three seem to like their new surroundings and the new opportunities that come with it.  One business failed, unfortunately, and one expanded. Growing toddlers were sent home from preschool every other second and parents scrambled for “coverage” – grandmamas helped – some more than others (thank you, Frances!). Cousins got to know each other and love on one another – when they weren’t fighting over an octagon – giving one to a five-year-old will make you super cool. Fidget toys? Hmmm….why is that a thing?

On to the percolating idea.  I am curious about activities that I literally dread and then when I do them, I wonder why I don’t do them every day with gusto.  There are several that come to mind. Like going to the beach.  I never want to go. Sand in everything, boredom perhaps, worrying about the weather, seems like so much work…  But then when I get there and hear the waves crashing on the shore, feel the warm sun on my skin with a breeze blowing my hair – I think being at the beach is the best possible place to be!

Another is taking a shower. I love a bath but I don’t have a good bathtub where we live now, so it has to be a shower. There’s something about taking off toasty pjs and stepping into wetness that I think will be too jarring for me.  I know my daughter-in-law, Hannah, loves to take a shower because it is time to herself, a tiny bit of self-care.  But I just sort of dread it but then… I step in and the warm water pours down over me and it’s glorious. And my sweet niece, Wynne, gave me shower steamers that just add to the pleasure.  You get to be engulfed in lavender.  Ahhh…

Number 3 is writing a thank you note.  Why on earth does it take me so long to do that?!  I can put it off for weeks! It literally takes less than 5 minutes.  All my daughters-in-law (all 4) are really good with thank yous in general.  One time, I was telling Carolyn NOT to feel the need to write me a note!  She said, “…but I really want to.”  Huh?  That opened my eyes to the joy of getting a moment to express to someone not only my thanks but adding a little love to the envelope – or my preferred, a postcard. My friend, Fay, had a gigantic wedding and had a HUGE list of thank you notes to write.  I went to her house and we laughed and drank while I helped write her notes.  That was love for Fay not the gift giver but there was still love involved.

So, I guess the point is to try and recognize what you dread and why. And if it’s something you end up enjoying, try to start looking forward to it.

Thanks for reading my ridiculously sporadic blog. I love to write but sometimes think I don’t have the time, but then when I write something, I remember how fun it is!  I guess that makes four things. And maybe going to church is one too. Hmmm….this might need to be two posts!